trust

This has been in my draft folder since the spring.

I was alone, dwelling in my struggles, wondering if I was doing 'it' right. If the path I had bushwhacked for my travels was, indeed the path that would be my ultimate joy. Were these pains and sadness of dis-ease or were they the cuts and scrapes of focus and creation? I lay there with sobs and questions. In a ball of sniffles and snot, flickers then flames of love heated my insides (wha-ho that is chee-zee). This love burned stronger at the prospect of being extinguished at the possibility of disbelief.

There, gazing at the sky was my moment. That moment of enlightenment yogis have. That your wacky friend waxes on about that they found in some hot spring. OK, so it may not have been enlightenment. Maybe a higher power, the universe, or the voices in my head. Between sobs and questions, loss and confusion,  I heard it. Trust. I heard it over and over. Trust. Trust love. Trust all is well. Trust the love  for myself and the love from others. Trust.

I have since tried to think of all the synonyms for this word, trust. I have said it 10 times fast. I write it on scraps of paper like young girls doodle hearts and bubble letters on there notebooks during Spanish class. Confidence. Certainty. Truth. Faith. Believe. Know. Trust.

Trust is my solid ground. It is gentle and kind, strong and powerful. It is the constant on my uncharted journey.

Is life uncertain? I'm not sure anymore. I know that my struggles are beauty in disguise. I love my life. It is simply beautiful. I am delightfully happy. I'm going with it!